According to a recent report, 71% of Australians are expecting an extra stressful holiday season, as they strive to make up for what has been a tricky year.

After we all emerged from lockdown, with hope of some normality, it seems the time taken to adjust and recover has been more challenging than many of us thought it would be. Add high expectations to the regular stresses of gift buying, budgeting, workloads, cooking and family tensions – it can start to feel like the crappiest time of year. If Mariah was honest, she would probably be singing “All I want for Christmas is a quiet room and a nap”. 

Here are some tips on how to make this holiday season a little less stressful.

Replace ‘I want it to be perfect’ with ‘I want it to be good enough’
Is your 2YO obsessed with the ugliest ornament being on the most prominent branch of the Christmas tree? Can’t quite afford those fancy gold deer table settings? Or on a more serious note,  is it confronting to be faced with the reality that some of your family is estranged or perhaps just very strange? Well the thing is, as hard as it may be, that is going to have to be ok. No one is problem or issue free, even the people who seem to be perfect. If it hasn’t been solved in 2022, you can relegate it to a 2023 problem. So, as a group, let’s lower the bar and remember that good enough is perfect this holiday season. 

Share the mental load
The mental load can get intense and it’s easy to get frustrated with all the things that others around you aren’t doing. However the truth is, they aren’t mind readers (urgh, so annoying) so it’s unfair to expect others to ‘just know’ what to do (again, so annoying). An easy solution is a google doc. Write down everything you have in your head and figure out a way to share the load together. And whilst you’re at it, take a good look at each item on that list and ask yourself if the effort required is truly worth the pay off? If it’s not, give yourself permission to trim the Christmas fat.

Set a budget
Between gifts, cheese platters and that outfit required for your social event – expenses add up! The thing is, the price of a gift is not a reflection of how much you value the recipient. We often engage in endless, unrestrained purchasing because we don’t quite know how to put our love into words. So, this year why not take a moment to actually put some of those words on paper. An honest and heartfelt card is, as Mastercard would say, priceless!
And in the meantime, to save the stress of reaching too deep, set yourself a serious budget for each category of holiday expenses. If there is a big gap between what you want to give and what your budget allows, then perhaps suggest a Secret Santa or set an achievable limit with your loved ones; they might be quite relieved themselves! 

Prepare for any sadness
The holiday season can bring up all sorts of feelings; grief, loneliness even anxiety. Rather than pretending it will be ok, this year make a plan for how you can (sleigh) ride your emotions when unwanted feelings arise.
If you’re alone this Christmas, perhaps organise to volunteer or attend a community event? If you’re feeling anxious, think ahead for a way to take some time out just for you.  If you are battling distance, create some shared experiences like playing games, eating the same meal, or simultaneously watching holiday movies.  It can help maintain the sense of connection that comes with the holidays, despite the physical distance. Most of all, be accepting of all the different emotions that can come up at this time of year. 

Overall, the holidays are not a competitive sport. Try to ignore the external pressures and focus on the love in your life whether it’s from your dog, barista, bestie or simply your own company. Merry Christmas 🎄🌟😘

The Sunday Scaries. It might sound like a fun ghost train ride but according to a study by Monstor it’s a genuinely crummy feeling that affects up to 76% of people who work Monday – Friday.

It can feel like dread, anxiousness or sadness which is rough, given it’s meant to be your day off from stress! How dare that cheeky Sunday Scary steal the limelight from your relaxing weekend and railroad your attention towards the working week ahead! What. A. Diva… Thankfully, there are strategies that you can use to help manage this cheeky workaholic minx. According to Psychology Today these things might help:

Set boundaries
Post pandemic, boundaries between work and play have become even more blurred, making it important to give your brain a hand in distinguishing between the two. If you must do some work on the weekend, create a specific time frame and place for it so it doesn’t spill over onto your downtime. If the Sunday Scaries start to creep in on Sunday morning, schedule a specific time to worry about work. It might sound silly but quarantining those thoughts between, say, 5pm and 6pm can help. If those niggly thoughts crop up before, tell your brain; “Hey! Worrying about that is planned for 5pm and not before!” And make sure you plan something nice for 6pm like a date with a funny TV show, a plate of nachos, your bathtub, or all three at once!

Plan a routine that you look forward to
The work week ahead can feel a little overwhelming when you’re staring down the full week. It helps to break the week and days into small parts. You can start with Monday morning where you make a plan before work. By breaking your morning into small tasks, it allows you to stay in the moment and not feel overwhelmed by the week ahead. Oh, and why not pop listening to a pep into your routine, ‘future you’ will likely be super grateful to ‘past/present you’ that you made time to listen to ‘Big meeting gee up’ or one of our ‘Morning high fives’ which have been written for, well, you!

Value your free time
Make sure you get the most bang for your free time buck by being conscious about using it. If you look back on your weekend on Sunday night and don’t feel like you’ve done much other than think about work, you may end up feeling a bit bummed out. Valuing your free time doesn’t have to mean that it’s lemon-wedged with social engagements, productivity and activities either. Re-charge in the way that suits you. Remind your brain that whatever you chose to do was time well spent and give yourself a pat on the back..

Finally,
When those Sunday Scaries creep in, remind yourself you’re not alone, no way! I mean, that’s why we made this in the first place, because we feel it too. Be nice to yourself and try to squeeze some extra joy out of your Sunday night, you deserve it!

April is Stress Awareness Month, but we’re very aware that the concept of stress needs absolutely no introduction.

75% of Australians say stress adversely affects their mental and physical health. Now while we need some stress to perform and focus, too much can adversely affect both productivity and emotional wellbeing. So much so that long term stress can build up and eventually burn us out completely… like a sad little deflated balloon. 

This April, Hey Lemonade is focussed on helping people manage unhealthy stress with tips from our experts. We’re even challenging people to a 30 day stress intervention challenge to take action daily and break the cycle of stress. 

To help with those actions, Hey Lemonade is using the cognitive behaviour therapy model (outlined below). This model shows the flow on effect from how we think and feel about a situation. Using this model we can explore the various ways you can tackle unhelpful stress.

The situation that is causing you stress
The situation can be anything. It might be a job interview, a deadline or simply the feeling that there are too many balls in the air. Sit back and consider the situation that is making you stressed and apply some pragmatic thinking. Is there a way of managing the situation better? Or changing it in order to make it more manageable and less stressful? We’re not talking about calling in a fake ‘sickie’ to avoid the situation, we’re thinking more along the lines of asking: 

• Can the situation be broken down into smaller, more manageable parts?
• Can someone help with this situation? 
• Is there a better way to approach this situation? 
• How much energy and time is the situation worth in terms of your bigger life values?

It may be the case that you can’t change a single thing about it, and that’s ok. If so, let’s move on to how you can shift your thinking about it.

Challenge the thoughts
Our brains have automatic thoughts about absolutely everything. However, just because these thoughts appear, does not necessarily mean they are true or right. Often the automatic thoughts we have about a stressful situation are not particularly helpful. They might, in fact, be very UNHELPFUL. 

To assess this, start by writing down the thoughts that are running through your mind about your stressful situation. Ask yourself if they’re based on fact, opinion or evidence. Second, challenge these thoughts and consider if they’re embedded in factual thinking or unhelpful patterns of thinking such as sentences that start with “I should”. You may be making a lot of assumptions that aren’t based in reality. You may be putting extreme pressure on yourself. 

Challenge yourself to re-frame these thoughts in a more positive way. For example, “If I don’t get this job, I’m a loser” might become “If I don’t get this job, at least I’ll have more experience interviewing from this process”. Then, when the stressful thoughts come up, remind yourself there is a more helpful way of thinking.

Feelings of stress & body changes
Feelings and body changes are absolutely interlinked. Our thoughts lead to feelings of worry and stress and that shows up as tension in the body, aches and pains, and shortness of breath. The first thing that you can do to circuit break that system of stress is to take several deep breaths. It sounds annoyingly simple, and can be the last thing you want to hear, but there is so much science that proves deep breathing calms the vagus nerve in your body which signals to the brain that you are safe, there is no threat. All of a sudden, you feel much better. 

Other tricks to help with reducing stress and worrisome feelings in the body are: 

• Finding something to do that brings you into the moment, such as taking a walk and focussing on the sights and sounds around you
• Talking it over with a friend
• Exercising 
• Taking a bath or hot shower
• Drinking a cup of tea
• Listening to music
• Doing something creative, when we’re doing something creative we’re using a different part of the brain to where stress is occurring.

Behaviour
A person’s behaviour that results from a stressful situation can vary.  It can include avoiding the situation, lashing out at others, not being able to sleep or turning to unhealthy habits such as eating unhealthy food for comfort or a quick respite. We all engage in these unhealthy patterns, which is why it’s useful to reflect on these behaviours and see if they are actually leading to more stress. 

For example: 

• Are you overworking and forgetting to exercise? 
• Are you snapping at a loved one and thus creating more tension? 
• Are you not sleeping, making it harder to think straight? 
• Are you eating poorly?
• Are you avoiding the situation and making it worse?

By identifying these behaviours you can make shifts to change the negative ones and you will likely notice a change in your stress levels.

The final step is to accept that stress is a part of a life well lived. Quite often, feeling stressed is an indicator you care about doing a good job or wanting to help others. It’s useful to remind yourself and show yourself a little more compassion. 

Newly published research connecting the dots between mindset and imposter phenomenon in working adults

Imposter syndrome, also known as impostorism, is a psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents or accomplishments and has a persistent internalised fear of being exposed as a fraud. People who experience it often have feelings of self-doubt and a sense of personal incompetence that persist despite their education, experience and accomplishments. To counter these feelings, people often might end up working harder and holding themselves to ever higher standards. This can often lead to a vicious cycle of self criticism (and who needs that on top of everything else, quite frankly?). It’s not fun to feel like an imposter. A growth mindset may help.

A lot has been written about imposter syndrome in the last few years but the good news is, new research shows new ways to manage it. Research shows that a ‘growth mindset’ could hold the imposter-remover-shaped-key to overcome unhelpful feelings of self doubt.

First, what do we mean by a ‘growth mindset’? 
Psychologist Carol Dweck coined the terms ‘fixed mindset’ and ‘growth mindset’ to describe the underlying beliefs people have about learning and intelligence.

• Fixed mindset is the belief that skills and abilities are inherent traits (things you either have or don’t have). It often leads to the desire to prove yourself, fear of failure, resistance to feedback, and suboptimal performance.
  
• Growth mindset is the belief that skills and abilities are largely a result of learning and effort. It generally leads to high levels of effort, persistence, creativity, learning and performance.

A growth mindset embraces failure, learns from it and persists when faced with setbacks. Inherent in this, is a sense that no one is perfect which is useful for managing those feelings of being an imposter. A growth mindset accepts that everyone is learning and that criticism is part of that journey. 

Recently published research in organisational psychology used a randomised control trial and showed that people with a fixed mindset tended to experience more imposter syndrome at work. Importantly, the results did not place all the responsibility on the individual to “fix” their imposter syndrome. The research showed that cultivating a workplace culture that promotes psychological safety and a growth mindset can alleviate imposter syndrome among employees. Furthermore, this had the potential to improve employee well-being and overall performance. 

So next time you or someone in your team is having ‘impostery’ feelings, reflect on how much of a growth mindset is being encouraged in your workplace. 

If you, or someone you know, is experiencing imposter syndrome, Hey Lemonade offer an ‘Imposter syndrome remedy‘ pep talk to help you reframe your perspective into more of a growth mindset. Subscribe to the app today to have a listen, or gift it to someone you think might benefit.

The Japanese culture’s secret to happiness

When was the last time you were so lost in an activity that your thoughts about the outside world stopped, and time moved in mysterious ways? It may have been while you were cooking for pleasure, gardening or practising a hobby you loved. This state of mind is called ‘flow’. Psychologists describe it as the melting together of action and consciousness; the state of finding a balance between a skill and how challenging that task is.

Japanese culture believes that finding your flow is key to long term happiness because it taps into one’s ikigai –  a concept that represents one’s purpose in life which can be found in work, play and family. A recent article by Héctor García and Francesc Miralles, (authors of Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life) states “Gravitating towards the activities that spark a state of flow can lead you to your ikigai”.  The diagram below shows how Ikigai is central to who we are and how it can guide all aspects of our life. 

Many of the world’s longest-living people find what makes them flow and prioritise it every day. Having the best experience possible while concentrating on what ignites your flow boils down to “increasing the time we spend on activities that bring us to this state of flow, rather than allowing ourselves to get caught up in activities that give us immediate pleasure.” 

Conditions for achieving flow

The article references a study by Owen Schaffer (2013), a researcher at DePaul University, who delved deeper into this concept and suggested that there were seven conditions for achieving flow:

1. Knowing what to do
2. Knowing how to do it
3. Knowing how well you’re doing
4. Knowing where to go (where navigation is involved)
5. Perceiving significant challenges
6. Perceiving significant skills
7. Being free from distractions

Too busy for flow?

Given how busy life is, finding time for flow is hard. But given the impact on our long term happiness, it’s important to prioritise. You can either incorporate it casually into your life, such as gardening for 30 minutes while your toddler potters about too or sleeps in the pram. Or it can be more formal, such as taking a weekly class in something you love such as art or languages. Additionally, it doesn’t have to be siloed. Flow can be found in your work or in domestic life, meaning there’s opportunity to flow in these areas of your life too. 

Lost your flow?

Are you reading this and thinking – “nothing gets me to flow?”. Do not worry, that is very normal. We live in such an achievement focussed world that it’s easy to forget the things we love just for our own pleasure. A tip for tapping into your flow is asking yourself what you loved doing when you were 12 years old. Next, ask yourself why you were attracted to the job you chose in the first place? Using these as clues, there is bound to be something. It doesn’t have to be profound, it can be as simple as doing a jigsaw puzzle, writing stories or at the more committed end – taking a dance class. 

So go forth and make time to get lost in something you love. And oh, the places you will flow.  

Hey Lemonade Co-Founder Lucy Durack writes for Future Women.

If you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, you’re not alone. In fact, at least 75 percent of Australians admit stress adversely affects their mental and physical health. I believe a decent chunk of the other 25 percent have momentarily forgotten about their stress due to a really good coffee or leftover piece of birthday cake.

Stress is a normal part of life, but when it becomes overwhelming it can take a toll. You may experience stress from work, family, relationships, or from simply trying to keep up with the demands of everyday life.

The funny thing about those moments, is you often forget about all the sensible things that help. I know this because I’ve been through it many times myself, but also because my work is dedicated to helping people like you manage these moments. So, here are some small tips to lean on, the next time stress and overwhelm arrives.

1. Give yourself a quick pep talk

Right this minute drop your shoulders and loosen your jaw. If you can, take a moment to give yourself a quick pep talk. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments. Think about how you’ve overcome challenges in the past, and reassure yourself that you can handle whatever comes your way. If you don’t have the energy to do this for yourself, Elise McCann and I have got you covered in our app Hey Lemonade which is bursting with hundreds of quick three to four minute talks for you, all backed by psychologists, tested by the CSIRO and offered in at least three different voices so you can choose how you hear support. There are five free pep talks waiting for you right now.

2. Prioritise

Take a moment to work out what your priorities are. Make a list if that helps. If, by chance, nothing ends up being a priority this very second, give yourself a few minutes to sit or lie down and do nothing. If this is not an option, take a breath in… and out… Then, look at your list, identify the most important tasks and tackle them first. Breaking the tasks down into manageable chunks can help you feel more in control.

3.Actively aim to be present for a moment.

To manage this stressful period, take a few moments each day to be present. Focus on your breath, or your hands as you wash them, or how the water feels in the shower and try to actively let go of any thoughts or worries that may be causing you stress, maybe imagine them floating away from you in a bubble, or imagine hanging them like decorations on a tree.

4. Engage in the essentials. 

Drink lots of water and exercise if you can. Exercise is a great way to release tension and boost your mood. Whether it’s a quick walk, taking the stairs or a full blown dance class, physical activity can help you feel more energised and focused and bring in those endorphins.

5. Connect with others. 

Spending time with friends and loved ones can be a great way to reduce stress and feel supported. Sometimes you just need a phone call or texts about a hilarious meme. Other times it’s an in-person visit. Connecting with others can help you feel less isolated and more connected. Chances are they might be feeling their own version of stress, so this will likely help them, too.

6. Find something good or beautiful in your day. 

Even on the hardest days there are glimmers of good things to be found and the more you look for them, the more you’ll find them. And if you’re stuck, hunt down something that makes you laugh, whether that’s a tv show, a stand up special, a chat with a funny friend or your pet who just ‘gets you’. Laughter has been shown to reduce stress levels and boost overall mood.

7. Take time for yourself 

It’s important to prioritise self-care and take time for yourself. Self-care doesn’t have to be something significant like a bath or a massage). Little things like brushing your teeth or your hair or patting a pet can be little acts of love that can take very little time, bring you joy and help you refresh. Giving yourself a break can help you recharge and come back to your tasks with renewed focus and energy. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish, it’s necessary for your well-being and will actually make you more productive in the long run.

8. Remember, this too shall pass. 

Just like that time you thought that bad haircut would last forever, this too shall pass. It may not happen overnight, but with time, patience, and perseverance, you can overcome stress and come out stronger on the other side. So, keep pushing forward, my friend, and remember that every moment is a chance to start anew.

Finally, remember this. No one is immune to stress or overwhelm. By acknowledging that stress is a normal part of the human experience, we can shift our mindset and develop more compassion for ourselves and others. As the great Maya Angelou once said, “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” You are not reduced by your overwhelm.

Hey Lemonade Co-Founder Elise McCann writes for Future Women.

You would be forgiven for cringing at the thought of another newsletter about positivity. The unrelenting pressure to remain upbeat, no matter how difficult or stressful a situation is, has taken hold of our collective consciousness. Toxic positivity has developed as a coping mechanism with empty platitudes and woo-woo affirmations masking genuine emotions in our relentless pursuit of happiness.

However the answer to this false positivity I believe, is radical hope. Hope is more than positivity. It requires action, it requires risk. It is rooted in a belief that another world is possible – not promised, not guaranteed. As Rebecca Solnit wrote, “Hope is not a lottery ticket you can sit on the sofa and clutch, feeling lucky. It is an axe you break down doors with in an emergency.”

So here are six pragmatic and practical ways to shift our thought patterns and perspective, to train the brain to feel hopeful that things can change, to see possibilities whilst accepting that things are tough and approach challenges whilst embodying radical hope.

1. Assume others have good intentions

Most conflicts and miscommunications can be solved by asking someone what they intended to do or say rather than assuming the worst. It doesn’t mean you are being naive. It means you seek the positive and, in doing so, set the precedent for others to do the same. You create an upward spiral of interactions and build trusting relationships.

2. Focus on what you can control

We can’t always choose what happens to us but we can choose how we respond. When confronting a challenge, think objectively about what experience of life you want. Go back to basics. ‘Do I want to hold onto this resentment? Who is this helping?’ Letting go of negativity is not about ignoring a situation or experience. It is about choosing your own happiness, choosing your own peace. Taking responsibility for what we are choosing to hold onto and what we are not is powerful. Sometimes you need to hold onto something for a bit. But take responsibility for the fact you are choosing to hold this right now and that gives you the power to also choose when to let it go.

3. Cultivate genuine enthusiasm

If things aren’t going your way, don’t worry about solving the big problems. Focus on finding one small bit of joy every day that gives you even the slightest feeling of happiness. The brain is a muscle. Practicing that perspective re-trains the brain and has a flow-on effect. It’s like solar panels, you put solar panels on your roof, it creates its own electricity force and the cost of living goes down. When you have enthusiasm that is genuine and vibrant and real, it becomes your own energy source. It creates electricity in your sense of self and the challenge of living becomes easier because you are genuinely filled with energy and excitement..

4.  Reframe comparison

One of the biggest situations where we find ourselves failing pray to negativity is comparison. Rather than seeing other people’s achievements or successes as a sign of your failings, or pretending you don’t care, use it as a way to identify and understand what you want. Consider it a means of identifying something you feel is lacking, and then take specific action to attain or achieve it. If it’s out there for someone else, that means it exists and it’s out there for the taking for you too. Turn it into a goal to shoot for.

5. Get really clear about what you want.

Some people call it manifesting, I call it clarifying. It’s not about wishing and waiting for things to come to you without any action, it’s about taking stock of what we are saying we want and how we are behaving. By actively taking time to think about and get clear on what you truly want, you make it easier to identify and say no to things that aren’t serving those goals. When you do this, you have the space to recognise and make decisions based on the things that will get you closer to your goals.

6. Finally, be honest and real.

In the ‘pursuit of happiness’ we often suppress our emotions and jump straight to what we think is the ‘socially acceptable’ response. When we do this we are telling our brains that how we feel is not important – and this makes it hard to delineate true emotions, both negative and positive. When our rights are violated, we should feel angry. When we lose someone close to us, we should feel sad. When we fall in love, we should feel giddy. When we achieve something new, we should feel proud.

Our emotions are important and they help keep us safe and reinforce our connections with people. Try to re-connect to your emotions, watch the feelings rather than judge them. There is no perfect way to respond. There is no perfect form of decision-making. There is only how you feel at this very moment. Think of your emotions as signals of what is important to you. If we stop thinking of other people’s expectations, or even all the logistics and just tune into ourselves, you’ll find that you have a pretty good sense of who you are, what you like and what you need. Trust yourself.

Hey Lemonade’s Lucy Cochran writes about what teens really want when it comes to phone addiction.

It’s no secret we love Smartphones. 87% of Australians own one, and the number of them is estimated to reach 23.6 million by 2026. But this is clearly coming at a cost. Smartphone addiction has been associated with an array of issues from psychological distress, sleep problems and reduced academic performance. When people are away from their smartphones, many display physiological symptoms akin to withdrawal. Problematic phone use is particularly pertinent to teens who are constantly connected, while still having developing brains. “The arrival of the smartphone radically changed every aspect of teenagers’ lives from the way they interact – or don’t interact – with each other,’’ says Dr Matthew Shaw, Director of the young persons’ program at Ramsay Health Care’s Albert Road Clinic. 

Calls to intervene in teen smartphone use, particularly social media apps, have recently gained a lot of momentum. South Australia is considering a ban on kids under 14 from using social media, a report commissioned by the president of France is calling for under 13 year olds to be banned, and even Australian local politicians are calling for tech companies to take more responsibility. Along with this, celebrity parents such as Zoe Foster Blake as well as parents who have experienced the consequences of social media on young people, are voicing their concern about teens and social media. 

But what do teenagers think?

Ask many parents, and they will tell you that their teens will fight to protect their screen time. However, the result of a recent trial in conjunction with the NSW Government and the stress and motivation pep talk app, Hey Lemonade High, in high schools is illuminating. The app offers hundreds of short, specific pep talks on topics relevant to teenagers including academic pressure, bullying, relationship conflict, identity and self-esteem. The app was made available to a range of schools for a term. No talks were pushed, students had voluntary use and students’ individual use of the app remained anonymous. Out of the hundreds of options, the pep talk that was most listened to was “Can’t stop scrolling”. This talk uses an empathetic and non-blaming approach to help students put down their phones.  It’s clear students are looking for external help when it comes to their phone use. We need to help them. 

Scrolling as addictive as gambling 

It’s no wonder teens are having problems putting their phones down. Phone applications and social media are designed to be addictive and it is stressing them out. Social applications have evolved from text based news feeds, to images,  to where we are now – pushing reels that offer maximum dopamine release through colours, sounds and moving images. So every time you refresh, swipe or get a DM you get a hit, with the promise of a new hit if you keep scrolling, which keeps you on the apps for longer. Using reels is when tech companies started to copy the behaviour change tactics used to keep people engaged with poker machines.  Modelling off these machines is what helped these applications really hit their addictive stride.

Messing with our brain reward system

Our brains were designed with an inbuilt reward system to motivate us to work for food or sex or shelter. However, the problem with social media – particularly reels – is the dopamine hit comes without any work. This in turn may be messing with teens’ views on the work and reward system. Before smartphones existed, teens had no option but to work for a reward – they had to keep practising that basketball shot over and over before they got it, or they had to ride their bike to visit a friend. The opportunity cost for this generation of not persisting with ‘boring’ activities that are required to make personal progress that lead to a deep sense of reward from working for it, is a great loss for this generation. 

Psychologist John Haidt and author of The Anxious Generation has recently drawn attention regarding the  mountain of research associating the decline in teen mental health with the rise in smartphones. He has called for social media to be banned for  young teens and called for them to get outside more. Results of the Hey Lemonade High trial affirms that teens are searching for interventions, including pep talks, to help them put down their phone. Overall, this suggests that such intervention is not only needed – but that teenagers are crying out for it too.